just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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