You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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