i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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