He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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