I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
