I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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