Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
