If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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