You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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