im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
