he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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