I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
