please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
