bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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