Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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