The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
