you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
