Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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