You really coming over, don't trick.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
