i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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