he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
