i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
