I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
