There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
