why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
