he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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