bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
