I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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