yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
