You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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