Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
