i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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