Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
