the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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