It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
