I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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