he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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