Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
