Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
