I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
