I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
