You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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