Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
