That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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