why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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