The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My ass is underappreciated
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
