White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
