Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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