you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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