So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
