pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
