Apparently you make a good broom.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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