uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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