Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
